live. love. laugh

<Tuesday, October 27, 2009>

My 20th is like less in one month! I really can't wait for it although I am not celebrating it on the real day since the gf's getting hitched. I wonder what the man will buy for me eh? Hehehehe.

Anyway, earlier today, I saw a toddler with her grandmother in the train. I swear she is so irritating and I felt a bit menyampah with her insisitng attitude. I pity for her grandmother having to entertain her. Runs around and when the train breaks, she holds on to strangers, and then cries loudly. Oh my! I really wonder how it would be when I have my own kids.

Oh yah, I think I want 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl. I even had the names picked when I got nothing to do, with the initials R & A. LOL. Banyak berangan betol aku ni. But its ok, insya'allah one day eh. Kahwin selalu, nikah je belum. So cliche(and irrelevant)! Tak sabarnyaaaaa nak kahwin!! Yeah, I ni mentel. Who doesn't? That means she not interested in the wedding lor.

Wedding ni use alot of money sey. Its like how many years of savings then finished in 1 or 2 days gitu. Pelamin also made of kayu dah beribu ribu dollar. Aiyoh. Pening kepala think all this. Nikah kat masjid lagi mulia, say Masjid Assyakirin kan Aishah Shariff? Kekekekekkekekekek! Klakar seram arr!

Then kan, dah kahwin, must think after marriage life. Maklumlah, ekonomi merosot. Asek merosotttt je. Bila nak naik pon tak tau. Most couples saves for wedding then spend like nobody business then dah kahwin hutang keliling pinggang. Ni not I say eh, based on survey kat Berita Harian lah, ni lah tulah. I baca suratkhabar tau! I hope we will try our best not to fall into that category, insya'allah. Try lah, some things in this world kena hutang mah, car and house. Hutang budi, jangan cakap.

And house, omg, now so bloody expensive and so belardy small. I think if me and him cannot lari-lari bogel dalam rumah. Tak muat. Bilik pun small, entah2, queen size je boleh muat. Oh no!!! Baru nak exotic ke wild ke rough ke. Ooops! Ada young readers here. Sorry. :).

OMG, I didn't realise I've been blabbering non stop hits dari tadi. Boleh buat composition. Boleh buat reality tv, alahh ala Kpak Kpak Bing Bing. Janji bukan Terkopak Kopak Ching Ching($$)! Wakakaka!

Oklah, masanya I berundur. Lagi lama stay sini, lagi lama membebel. Macam shopping jugak! Hehehe.

Signing outs,
Erin

@7:42:00 PM>

<Friday, October 23, 2009>

B.O.R.E.D

@8:34:00 PM>

<Sunday, October 18, 2009>

Right after the major make up in the history of Erin.Ewan, things changes. And so does feelings. Now, don't assume that I do not love him anymore, I do ok. Its just that when we try to mend the broken glasses, there will still be cracks.

We went through a lot of hurdles together, even to the extend of trying to elope once. Misunderstandings, miscommunications and all the little arguments never fails brighten the sparks in the relationship. All that till we got immune to it.

I was so young and gullible back then when he propose to me. And I was working, not schooling, thinking I was ready to settle down, and he is 6 years older than me, very mature and responsible. Its like a fairytale, when shit happens of which I am not going to elaborate.

Now that we got what we wanted, and the big day is in 2 years time, insya'Allah. And I do not know what I am driving at now and what's the purpose of this entry. I just feel like typing out all this.

LOL.

Me and my fiance, we got issues.

@2:20:00 PM>

<Saturday, October 17, 2009>

While ayng is having half day today, I am at the shop now using the mobile broadband ayng just purchased the other day. How I wished I could go KL now to meet my fattybombom. Its a Saturday today, yet I am rotting doing nothing except helping ~~myself~~ out at the shop. So I decided to make use of the time here and go on a TUMMY TRIMMING SESSION and steambath with mummy! Lol. I am fat already lah. So sad. :(.

Anyway, I am very relieved, so relieved that ayng's boss decided not to prolong their stay there. Just yesterday, he called me to say that probably his boss wanted to extend till 1 month! 1 month!!! Who want to be my date for gf's wedding? Who is going to celebrate my birthday with? Anyway, can't celebrate also since gf's getting married. Bleargh.

I am going to be broke soon. Sis' and mummy's birthday, hen night, gf's wedding gift, my own birthday gift(to pamper myself). Lol. Oh yah, HDB just approved our loan! Yesszaaaa! I like.

Alright got to entertain some customers while FB-ing. Daaaa! Oh ya, enjoy your weekend people!

Happy Deepavali!

@12:12:00 PM>

<Thursday, October 15, 2009>

As cliche' as it sounds,

"........if you miss me, plz look at the moon coz it will have a reflection of my face coz i'll be looking at the same time.. love u syng..'

I still love it!

He just called earlier! So sexcited! 7 more days! Oh error, he went there for 8 days. So 7 more to go!

Oh yah, Happy 2 yrs 5 months anniversary Bby!

@12:03:00 AM>

<Tuesday, October 13, 2009>

I am quite pissed now, no, its not because we had an arguement or fights. Its because I just got to know the fiance is leaving for KL for 7 days from tomorrow!!!!!!!!! I mean, how can I not be pissed? How could anyone be pleased that their other half is leaving to somewhere far(alright fine, just across the causeway) and telling them just a mere 1 day and going off for 7 days? 7 DAYS!! OHH NOO!!

I am so not happy about it. Its not that I do not support him working overseas or what, but duhh, can plan in advance or what what. Must be urgent meh? What if I need him at that moment he's away? Of course, I need him everytimelah. Lol.

He just left me 2 weeks for reservist, and then now a week again for commitments. What am I going to do this weekend? What am I going to do without him? I sound so childish and spoilt here, but hey, its my FIANCE I'm talking about. Hahaha.

Thank goodness for autoroam and videocalls. So he can't hanky panky anyway. Hahahahaha!

@7:41:00 PM>

<Monday, October 12, 2009>

While waiting for Cinta Fitri(I'm not a big fan, btw) to start in a while, I decided to blog while wasting the time. Today's the first day of attachment in the ward, and for some reasons I reached there on time. Suppposedly to reach earlier but oh well, don't know whatever happen to my time management.

The 3 weeks break has take an effect on my body recently. I have become much more lazier than before and have no mood or interest in my course. I hope it last for a while cause I do not want history to repeat itself by quitting half way.

Anyway, me and baby bought a same new handphone like again. Hahaha. I'm still trying to godeh-godeh the phone, while he gets agitated using the touch screen. Maybe his fingers are too big, I guess. Oops! My bad. But he is big, BIG at heart I mean. Lol.

GF's getting hitched next month, on MY birthday. Have yet to plan her hen night and hopefully it happen. If it doesn't, well, ermmm.

Oh yeah, I watched 'The Hills' the other day, and Heidi Montag's such a barbie. But her voice is soooo like the past show's 'The Nanny'. I am so disgusted with her husband by the way. And again, why am I even telling all this? So irrelevant lor!

Its time now to end the entry. Currently craving for JB's Mac's Spicy Chicken McCrispy. I wonder how it would be if I am pregnant(and married of course).

@9:06:00 PM>

<Saturday, October 10, 2009>

I suppose everything is alright now. Although there might be some changes, I will have to adapt to it no matter what.

Anyway, we have already choosed the flat at Punggol Residences yesterday morning. Didn't get what we wanted, but its ok since its near to the MRT. Its the 4th floor. Yes, so sway but who cares. Some more its near the rubbish chute. Urgh. Price is unreasonable for that size. Just treat it as an investment in future. Ahaks! I just hope the loan and grant is approved and then we do not have to worry a thing. :).

So yesterday was the class pit. I do not know whether is it me or its the class. The class is getting more mundane. But then talked to some of them and they felt the same way too. So definitely its not me! Haha!

Now I am not feeling good. Maybe I will be down with fever, sore throat and flu anytime soon. And Monday's the starting of attachment. So boring.

@4:38:00 PM>

<Thursday, October 08, 2009>

As planned, had dinner with Ida in celebration of her 18th. Headed to Marina's Seoul Garden and we had so many rounds of food! I think that's a nice place to talk, gossip for a long time while eating without being chased out.

Initially, wanted to go karaoke but since its already quite late, we decided to just walked around and shopped a few stuffs before proceeding home.

It feels so good stepping out from home after days being cooped up in the room. Its like, so fresh!

@12:05:00 AM>

<Tuesday, October 06, 2009>

(Teringat zaman2 neoprint)

Is it the end of ERIN.EWAN journey?

Is it the end of the engagement phase?

Is it the end of everything?

Well, seriously I do not know. We need to settle this amicably but since he is still in reservist, we had to forgo this relationship first.

Should I allow myself to be treated like this repeatedly in future?

Should I give him a 3rd chance?

Should I give US a chance to start anew?

I know that a person can't change overnight. I once said to him,

"If ever one day we had to part, its not because of a third party or what, but its because of your attitude".

I wouldn't say I didn't make mistakes, in fact I made alot. Unfortunately, the mistakes I make are in me. Meaning, he wants someone like Siti Nurhaliza, whereas I am Ella. And that's the mistake. Something like that, you know.

Well, we'll see in a few days to come.

@2:50:00 PM>

<Monday, October 05, 2009>

oooo)...dont wanna try dont wanna try (try try)
(oooo)..dont wanna try no more
(ooo)..dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try

Verse 1
i cant believe u had the nerve to say the things u said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
i cant believe it ..4 years go down the drain
oh how i wish things would of happened so differently
i tryd to save it so many times but you still couldnt see
u kept insistin and resistin that u would not fall again
and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin to come back home
ur tellin me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i

-Chorus
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love

Verse 2
u and i had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry
and u tryin to come back home
u tellin me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i

-Chorus
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love

[..fading into beat]
(dont wanna try dont wanna try)
(dont wanna try no more)
(dont wanna try dont wanna try..oo)

(dont wanna try dont wanna try)
(dont wanna try no more)
(dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more ooo)

@9:19:00 PM>

Tried the new lashes. Terkebil2 mata I. Wore the same baju because I got only 1 baju this year, and to couple2 with Ridzuan. Went to his house yesterday when shit happens.

We got the same traits which is bila manja, manja gila nak mampos, kalau marah, marah macam beruang semua keluar. That's why I think, we don't match. Cause when both is angry, who listens?

Thank God he is in reservist, at the very least I can ease my mind without him in my life for a moment.

For now, I do not bother, will not care dan sewaktu dengannya.

And by the way eh, who is this http://ittakestwo-heart.blogspot.com/ eh?

@1:08:00 PM>

Its okay for a man to smile to his female colleagues, strangers or any ladies.
Its okay for a man to look at her and comment about her body or her boobies.
Its okay for a man to fantasize about other ladies other than his wife/gf/fiancee.
Its okay for a man to compare other ladies and his wife/gf/fiancee.
Its okay for a man to tell his wife/gf/fiancee how good looking other ladies are.
Its okay for a man to be really friendly to all the ladies.

However as for me,

Its a sin for me to smile at my mum's friend's son cum schoolmate even though he's 3 years younger.
Its a sin for me to smile at him in front of your very eyes.
Its a sin for me to remember his name even though I don't.
Its a sin for me to remember how he looks like when he is in the same course and batch as me.

And for that, I got verbal abuses from you again.
And for that, you decided you can say anything you want.
And for that, you decided to make me decide about us.

You may have forgotten the past, that you called me a sundal in public. And for that, a 2 weeks seperation and I decided to take you back. Unfortunately, you did not realise your mistakes.

"Kau senyum ngn dia macam perempuan jahanam...'' ''Kau nak jadi sundal pe..'' But the very best of all is

''Kalau aku dah kahwin ngn kau, sekarang jugak AKU CERAI DNGN KAU''.

All because of friendly smile in his presence to someone who does not even matter to me.

Right now, where this relationship goes, I leave it to fate.

I may not be perfect, I have my mistakes and I know it. However, theres a limit to my patience and I got pride and dignity.

@12:34:00 AM>

<Saturday, October 03, 2009>

Right now on a Saturday, I am sitting and lazying at home while people are raya-ing. And baby's in reservist. Soooo boringgggg. Benci ar.

Nak ajak member keluar, member jalan raya. Nak buat apa eh?

@4:28:00 PM>

<Thursday, October 01, 2009>

I am very fed up with the old man. Dalah sehari suntuk dia dalam hutan, bila dah balik cari pasal! Arghh!

@11:20:00 PM>

I woke up early in the morning just to check my exam results. Sure, I pass but the results not satisfying because it dropped from 3.56 to 3.17. Clinical Nursing's grade is C, because I failed my phase test earlier on so it kind of pull down my grades. Argh! smileys

But whatever it is, syukur alhamdulillah cause at the very least I passed. Look at the brighter side of life.

Anyway, had a bad dream about the fiance. His attitude began to change towards me and then he decided to dump me for another girl. But that girl is very pretty ley. Ala ala Megan Fox gitu. Kwang3!

Ok want to continue sleeping. Good morning!

@9:05:00 AM>